Our Son

Her bedroom was cool and dark and that�s the way she wanted it to be. Anything to shut out the light, the world, the harshness of the events of the afternoon. As Sami lay curled on her bed, still in the slip she�d worn under her wedding gown she thought back to what had happened several hours earlier. How everything had gone wrong in the matter of minutes. This was supposed to have been the happiest day of her life.

~~~

"This is the happiest day of my life!" Sami exclaimed as she adjusted the veil atop her head. She felt like she could hardly contain herself. In just a few minutes time she�d be walking down the aisle and saying I do to the love of her life, Austin Reed.

"It�s time Sami." John called, as he peeked his head into the bride�s suite. "You ready pumpkin?"

"I�ve been ready for so long, I can hardly believe this is finally happening."

"Well then, let�s go." John smiled at her as he took her arm and led her out of the room.

Several minutes later Sami was standing next to Austin listening to the minister speak when there was a loud crack of the doors being flung open at the back of the church. They turned in unison and found Carrie, Mike and Lucas rushing into the room. Carrie yelling "Stop! Stop the wedding!� You can�t marry her Austin !"

"What the hell?" Sami exclaimed as she turned around to see her sister charging down the aisle towards her. " Austin loves ME and I love him, Carrie. Now, get out. I�m getting married here!"

"No, I think this is something Austin will want to hear, Sami." Lucas chimed. "You see Austin , we had a hunch Sami�s been lying about Will�s paternity and� as it turns out. We were right."

"What do you mean, you were right? I�m not Will�s father?" Austin directed his question at Sami, not Lucas. "Sami, If I�m not Will�s father� Who is?"

Sami felt as if her world were crashing down around her. Everything she�d risked, everything she�d worked for was vanishing before her eyes. " Austin , you don�t understand. Will needs you� you�re the only father he�s ever known. You�re such a great father to him Austin. He needs you." She felt as if she were grasping at straws here.

"He needs his father. Who is Will�s father, Sami?� Tell me. Now�" Austin �s voice was cool and even. Lethal to Sami�s ears.

After several moments she raised her eyes to Austin �s and then focused on Lucas. Tears streaming down her cheeks like rivers. Lucas held her gaze, realization dawning. "He�s mine?" Lucas whispered almost to himself.

"Lucas?" The word passed Austin �s lips, but he couldn�t believe it. "Lucas? You lied to me Sami. You lied to Lucas. How could you do this? I was going to MARRY you! But now I can�t stand to look at you." The words stung, but in the back of her mind she�d known they would come eventually. Like plugging a leaky damn with her fingers, she knew they�d come, but now that she heard them aloud, to her face, it wasn�t what she�d anticipated. They floated over her, around her, but not through her. Only Lucas�s questioning stare bore into her soul.

Nodding her head slightly, Sami confirmed what Lucas already knew. "He�s mine�" Almost irreverent was Lucas�s tone as he turned his gaze toward Will. "I have a son� I have a son." Placing his hand on Will�s 10 month old head, stroking his hair, amazement and wonder in his voice. Then he turned to Sami again, feeling the full impact of his words. "I have a son. Christ Sami! How could you keep this from me?"

"I didn�t know� not until recently. I swear Lucas. I�m so sorry!" Sobbing she took a step towards him. Her best friend, the only one who�d ever really understood her, was looking at her now with such scorn in his eyes. "I�m sorry Lucas� I�m so sorry! I can explain. Just let me explain."

But Lucas was not in the mood for explanations. "Not now� I need time." Betrayed and angry, Lucas turned his back and left.

Silence weighed heavily in the wake of the scene they�d all just witnessed. Marlena was the first to break the tension� Pushing Sami go back to the bride�s room, but all she could do was wonder why she�d thought all of this would work out in the first place. Everything she�d been working for now seemed� pointless. She looked up to see Austin professing his love to Carrie and asking him to marry her on the spot. It hurt her. But not as much as she�d imagined it might. What hurt her more was the look in Lucas�s eyes.

"No!" Sami cried, as if the numbness of shock were wearing of and in its place was an icy coldness she was unable to keep at bay. Her family stared at her as if she were a leper. "What have I done?" was all she could get out as she turned away from the dozens of faces looking so reproachfully at her. "I have to get out of here. I can�t be here. I have to go."

And home was where she�d gone. Now several hours later here she was. In her cool dark bedroom wondering how any of this had ever happened. For all of the work that she�d put into hanging onto Austin it hardly seemed worth it now. She�d really believed that Austin just needed a little push in the right direction, but truth be told, when push came to shove, he�d shoved himself away from her and right back into Carrie�s waiting arms. She just wished she could shove herself into a hole for a while where she wouldn�t have to deal with the mess she�d made of her life, and Will�s� and Lucas�s.

Jarred from her musings by the knock at the door, she made a move to get up. "Who the hell could that be?" After a moment�s hesitation, she decided pretending she wasn�t home was the best course of action. Whoever it was, would get the hint and go away. Although she did use it as motivation for changing out of the slip she�d worn under her wedding gown into an old Salem High sweatshirt and track pants. There was something to be said for "comfort clothes." Padding out to the living room she absently wandered her apartment, picked up a magazine and then tossed it down on the table again. She settled on turning on the stereo. Maybe some music would help. Sami flipped the switch and headed towards the couch when the knock at the door sounded again, louder than before.

"Sami, open the door. I know you�re in there, I can hear the stereo."

Sami froze, stock still, rooted to the floor. She recognized that voice. And it was pretty much the last person she wanted to talk to right now, but what choice did she have? She�d have to face him eventually. Padding to the door she hesitated a moment more, took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Lucas�" she breathed.

"Hi Sami. Listen� we need to talk."

"I know�" She could barely meet his eyes.

"Well, can I come in? Or did you want to do this in the hallway?"

She moved aside to let him enter. "I didn�t think you�d want to talk to me, ever."

"When I left, I didn�t. I didn�t know where to go so I started walking. And I ended up here." Sami nodded as he continued on. "I walked for hours, just trying to sort it all out in my head. How could this have happened? How could I have not known? So many questions filling my head and no answers. Arhh!" He sighed in frustration, and ran a hand through his thick brown hair. "You can�t possibly know how I�m feeling right now."

"I�m sure I can�t Lucas. I know I did a terrible thing, worse than terrible. I�m a horrible person, and a horrible mother. I honestly believed that what I was doing was in everyone�s best interest." She lowered herself to the couch and tried to figure out the best way to explain everything to him.

"It never occurred to me that Will could be yours. I was �"

"And how do you think that makes me feel Sami?"

"It isn�t like that Lucas. I was so wrapped up in making Austin fall in love with me that it never occurred to me that the baby would be anybody other than Austin �s. It�s like tunnel vision. I�m so sorry I hurt you. You can�t imagine how sorry I am. And if I could take it back� In a second I�d do things differently." Tears began to fall in earnest now, but she was brave and never let her gaze wander from his. She was ready for anything he threw at her. She deserved it.

"And when you found out that Will was mine, assuming you didn�t know from the start, why didn�t you tell me? That�s definitely something a man deserves to know, don�t you think?" Lucas was hurt, but tried his hardest to keep an even tone to his voice.

"I swear I didn�t know he was yours until just recently. And I thought about telling you. But then I thought about the mess it would create. Obviously I wasn�t thinking about the potential for this mess at the time. And how was I supposed to know you even wanted to be a father. Especially a father to my child."

"Wait a second, Sami. Why wouldn�t I want to be a father? Especially to your child?"

Sami closed her eyes and fought to choose her words carefully. "Well, you�re in love with Carrie. I thought you�d resent Will if you knew, and Austin was so attached to him, or so I thought. I thought it was just better to keep things the way they were."

"Geez Sami, I�m not in love with Carrie. I haven�t been for a long time now." After a few moments pause, he continued. "She�s not the one I�m in love with." Lucas held her eyes with his and every unspoken word between them poured from him like an overflowing well.

"She�s not? But� you tried� you helped�" She was finding it difficult to put a full sentence together.

"Why do you think I was helping Carrie and Mike break up the wedding?" Tears were forming in Sami�s eyes as Lucas reached for her hand. This was not happening, but it was. Had she been so blind in her attempts to make the perfect family and the perfect life that she didn�t realize that it was already right in front of her? "I didn�t want the woman I love to marry somebody else. And for the record, you�re not a terrible mother. You�re a great mother. Just somewhat� misguided at times."

It was definitely the boldest thing Lucas had ever done, but as he watched the tears fall from Sami�s eyes, and a faint smile curl the corners of her lips, he knew he�d made the right decision. It was now or never and Victor had always told him that if you want something badly enough, you should go and get it.� "Sami, I love you."

Sami couldn�t believe what she was hearing. "You love me? But, since when?"

"Since� I don�t know� probably the night Will was conceived, although I couldn�t put my finger on it at the time. But, then you were gone, and when you came back, you were so obsessed with getting Austin to fall in love with you, and you were carrying his child, I didn�t think I had a chance."

"And here I thought you just made love to me that night because you were� being nice." Sami smiled.

"You were so upset that night and when you looked up at me and told me how safe you felt with me, I knew there wasn�t anything I wanted to do more than to show you how much you meant to me."

"I guess neither of us was ready to admit what we were feeling at the time. I did feel safe with you Lucas. I loved you too, I was just so wrapped up in everything that I couldn�t see it." Now her tears were coming in a steady stream down her cheeks and Lucas cupped her face in his hand and whipped them away with his thumb.

"Oh Lucas, I love you so much. I didn�t think you�d want him� I didn�t think you�d want him."

"But I do Sami. I want him so much. And I want you. I want us to be a family, you and me and our son. Everything will be ok. I promise."

"Our son." Sami repeated. And with that Lucas pulled her close, kissed her tears away and then captured her lips for the first time since the night they�d conceived their son.