Heaven (NC-17)

Chapter 1

"Sami, what do you think of this one?" I hear Kate call to me, as she holds up a �mother of the bride� dress for my inspection.

I cock my head to the side and survey, "It�s a possibility. Can�t hurt to try it on." I say, as I turned back to the rack and continue to search for the perfect wedding gown. A small smile curves my lips; I can�t help it. Who�d have every thought I�d be happily dress shopping with Kate Roberts, or better yet, doing anything happily with Kate. It has been a rocky road for us, but, I guess things change.

It had been a chilly October day nearly a year ago. Lucas and I were cuddled on the couch watching a movie, when the phone rang. Mom and Dad had gone to Toronto for a Medical conference and were expected home that afternoon. I picked up the phone expecting it to be them, but instead had received the news that they were dead. Killed in a car crash the night before. Kate had been doing non-stop battle with me over my relationship with Lucas, but after the accident, I guess she put her hate for me aside. "You�ve just lost your parents, and I can see how much you and Lucas need each other," she�d said to me after the funeral. "I won�t stand in your way. I promise." And she hadn�t. She later told me that she could see that our love for each other was strong and that she loved him and wanted him to be happy more than she wanted me to be unhappy. And as time went on� we became not only �not enemies,� but friends.

"Do you need me to take these to the dressing room for you?" I�m startled out of my thoughts by a sales girl next to me. I nod and thank the girl, handing her the dress I�ve just pulled from the rack.

What a difference a year makes. I miss my parents, but in the wake of their death, Lucas, Kate and John have stepped up to the plate for me. Now Lucas and I are engaged. I can�t wait to be Mrs. Lucas Roberts. Has a nice ring to it, doesn�t it? Sami Roberts. Samantha Jean Brady Roberts. I could go on, but I�ll stop. A few years ago, after Victor died, John and Kate started working late hours together and I guess, her missing Victor and John over his divorce from mom, they fell in love. They�ve been married for 2 years now and I can see how happy they are.

I feel like I�ve tried on a thousand dresses. This is our 4th weekend in a row searching. But Kate has been really great. The sales girl is behind me doing up the buttons in the back of this dress. It feels good. I hope it looks good too. It looked nice on the hanger. I open the door and step up on the dais as the girl fans the train around me so I can see how it lays. WOW! I look� I love it!

"I LOVE IT! What do you think?" I�m turning to Kate who is sitting on the settee beside the mirror.

"I think you look beautiful. If Marlena could see you now."

I smile and turn back to the mirror. Trying to keep the tears from falling as they well up in my eyes making me blurry in the mirror. White blur as I see myself walking towards Lucas in this dress. "This is the one."
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"Lucas, I�m home!" I call out as I drop my keys in the bowl on the table and set the shopping bags down.

Silence� "Will? Lucas?" nothing�silence�and a note on the kitchen table.

2:45
Gone to the new place to get some work done.
bbl.
Love you.
L

The new place. Lucas and I just bought a house right around the corner from Bo and Hope�s place. It has 4 bedrooms and a big backyard. We really haven�t talked about it much, but I want to have another baby sometime in the not too distant future and this is the kind of house you raise a family in and get old and wrinkly in. It�s a fixer-upper though. I think we�re hoping to move in right after the wedding.

I look at the clock on the oven, it�s almost 4. I should go over and help.
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I�m climbing out of the SUV we bought a few months ago. I miss my old car. It was a "me sized" car. I�m a shorty, ya know, but Lucas didn�t want me driving the Honda anymore. He says I need something bigger because of my unfavorable track record with car accidents. I swear he�s overreacting; most of those accidents weren�t my fault!

"Lucas?" I yell hoping I�ll get a response at this address.

"In the kitchen!" I hear, slightly muffled, coming from the direction of said room.

I walk in and drop the cokes on the new island in the middle of the kitchen. I peer around the corner and see the jean clad legs of my betrothed sticking out from under the sink. "Hey Babe. How�s it going down there?"

"Great! Almost done hooking up the dishwasher. How was the shopping �**THUNK** Dammit! � with mom?"

He�s just smacked his head against the underside of the counter in an effort to sit up. "Clutz!" I tell him. He�s rubbing his forehead.

"I�m broken." He�s whining now. If I wasn�t so in love with him, I�d probably think this is as annoying as hell. "I think I need some TLC, Sami." All pouty, doing that lip thing that he does. OK, now he�s just being cute.

"Some TLC, huh? Want me to kiss it and make it better?" I wink at him as I crouch down and kiss the top of his head. His hair is so silky. I love his hair.

"Now we�re talking!" he�s grinning at me. I think he�ll live.

"Horny boy" I call him and shove at his shoulder lightly. He�s laughing now.

"So, as I was saying, how did the shopping go with mom?"

"It went very well, thank you for asking. I found my dress, Lucas. And it�s perfect and beautiful and just� perfect. Your mom loves it too.

"And I can�t wait to see you coming down the aisle in it. And then later, I get to take it off of you!" He leans in and kisses me on the lips, warm and smooth. My man has a one track mind.


Chapter 2

I hate onions. They make me cry. Not like "my dog just died" crying, but annoying, eye stinging, tearing, can�t see the knife so I might cut off my finger off crying. So really it�s not crying, it�s just tearing, but without the satisfaction of crying. I digress. I�m making dinner because Philip and Belle are coming over. Who�d have ever thought Lucas�s brother and my sister would end up together; two couples of siblings. It�s fun though. They�re not engaged yet, but I don�t think it�ll take too much longer for Philip to ask. So here I am, cutting onions that I can�t see anymore, afraid I�ll cut my finger off.

Six months ago just after Kate and I found my wedding dress, Belle and I found an awesome dress for her to wear as my maid of honor. She was happy. I was happy everybody had picked out their dresses; one less thing to worry about. The wedding was two weeks ago and man was it p-e-r-f-e-c-t! I am now officially Mrs. Samantha Roberts. By the way, Lucas loved my dress. He said I was the most beautiful thing he�d ever seen. And he loved taking it off me too. Everything but the veil, the veil stayed on. I�d been told to keep the veil on. I figured, what the hell, can�t hurt? Big hit! Big! My husband (I love calling him that) was a very happy man on our wedding night.

The move last week went pretty smoothly. Will is LOVING his new room, the space, the yard, a whole neighborhood to ride his bike in. Lucas and I are loving being married and not having to run back and forth between two apartments; one house, one bed, one life. It�s great! There are still boxes everywhere, but slowly it�s coming together. So Philip and Belle are coming over for dinner in the new house. They�re our first guests and it�s my first real foray into my brand new kitchen. I�m so excited.

"Rrrrrrrring�. Rrrrrrrring" Salvation from the onions!

"Hello?" I reach for the towel to wipe my eyes dry.

"Sami? It�s Kate. What�s up?"

"Hey Kate. Not much, making dinner. Philip and Belle should be here in less than an hour. What�s going on?"

"Just wanted to make sure we�re still on for lunch tomorrow?"

"Yep. 12:30 at the pub, right? And John too?"

"That�s the plan, great! See you tomorrow. Give my love to Will and Lucas."

"You got it! See ya tomorrow Kate."

"Bye sweety." And I hear her click the receiver ending our call.

"Who was on the phone Sami?" Lucas has just come over my shoulder and snagged a carrot from the cutting board. Carrots are a lot friendlier than onions. He takes a bite and kisses me on my cheek.

"That was your mom. She says she loves you."

"Cool. Ditto. And I love you." He says as he leans in to me.

The kisses are plentiful these days and I�m not complaining. I turn around towards him as his warm arms snake around my waist. "I love you too." I murmur against his warm lips. "But I have to make dinner. You�re brother and Belle will be here soon."

"Screw dinner� it can wait. Give me uh� 20 minutes." Now he�s kissing down my neck to the base of my throat and back up again to my ear. Oh man, can I spare 20 minutes?

"Where�s Will?" just covering my bases here.

"Out�" warm lips on my neck. "At Hope�s playing with Zack." His hand is running through my hair pushing it aside. "we�re alone." That gorgeous mouth is sucking on my ear now. Holy shit he�s good at this!

"Lucas�" is that my breathless voice? He�s picking me up and carrying me out of the kitchen. How much longer will he keep carrying me all over the place now that we�re married? Ahhh, who cares? One stair, two, three. I�m kissing his neck, I know he loves that. Right below his ear.

"Sami, Sami, Sami" I can feel his hot breathe on me as he lays me down on our bed. �Our bed.� I do love the sound of that. He�s left my face and gone down south. He�s tickling my stomach as he pushes my tshirt up and kisses my belly. I can�t help but laugh, which makes him laugh. Laughing during sex is fun.

Oh, there goes my shirt. "Tit for tat as they say. This�" I grab the hem of his old Salem U tshirt. "has got to go." And pull it up over his head. Add that to the pile on the floor. He�s kissing me hard and deep, this is the good stuff baby. I know there are sounds coming from the back of my throat but I can�t control them, nor would I want to. I know from experience. Lucas likes to hear me getting off. I can�t get close enough to him; this is insane! I�m pull on his shoulders and his back, but it�s not close enough. Plus, he�s fiddling with the button on his jeans. Mine are already on the floor. I hate jeans! Right now, denim is just a roadblock to my happiness.

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM"�naked! Yep, naked is definitely the way to go here. I love his skin. Lucas�s skin� it�s so smooth and soft. Like satin, but his muscles are strained as he holds himself up above me. So it�s like rock under there. I can�t get enough of touching his skin� I can barely think. But I can feel. His shoulders, arms, back, I run my hand down to his ass and pull him towards me. What an unbelievable ass. I want the good stuff baby.

"Lucas, I need you." I think I said it out loud. I can�t remember, he�s doing the most amazing things to my breasts. He�s kissing me again and pushing my legs open with his knee. Good, he heard me. He�s teasing me now. I love it when he does this. It drives me nuts. He knows it does too. No matter how much I pull on his shoulders, his waist, his hips, he�s letting the head of is cock graze me. He�s killing me. I can�t take this anymore.

"You need me, Sami?" He�s positioned above me. He�s staring straight into my eyes; big chocolate eyes that are on fire.

"What do you think?" G-d I love him.

"I think I love you Sami." And there is nothing in this world that can compare with the feeling of being filled so completely there�s no describing it. Moving, moving, in and out. As far in as my body will let him, and then he pulls out as far as he can without withdrawing completely. This is heaven, for sure. He reaches down between our bodies and rubs my clit. I can hear him saying my name over and over again, but everything is a haze as the fire in my belly starts to spread from my center out down my toes, up through my fingers as I arch my back into him. Holy fuck! Blank I can�t think. I think I�m shouting his name, but I�m not sure. What does it matter? I�m over the edge, rolling on this wave with him, and I can feel him pushing into me� I feel him cum. It�s warm and sweet as he�s holding me so close as we float back down to earth together. He�s kissing my shoulder. "Wow�"

"Wow�" I echo. "Thank you."

"My pleasure." He�s nuzzling my neck as he pulls me onto my side. He�s still in side me. I feel so lonely when he pulls out.

"Can�t we stay like this forever, Lucas?"

"Sounds like a brilliant idea. But we have a kid to feed. We might have to um� work."

"Work� feed� Belle! Shit!" Passion has a way of blowing a hole in your brain sometimes. "I have to go downstairs and finish dinner."

"Don�t feed Belle shit. She might not come back." His jokes are so lame sometimes. But he�s cute. I think I�ll keep him.

"Ha ha, very funny. Smart ass." I say this as I�m rolling out of his arms and off the bed. "I�m gonna take a 30 second shower. I�ll be quick I promise."

"OK." I lean down and kiss him. He�s a big sweaty naked bum on our bed.
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I love the way Lucas smells. I wish I could bottle it. Lucas�s perfume. That�s why I love wearing his shirts and stuff; especially to sleep. OK, he likes it when I wear the Victoria�s Secret stuff, but I love sleeping in his t-shirts, in his arms. Why did I get out of bed? Oh right, Belle and Philip. I can hear the phone ring as the water is falling over me. I bet that�s them on the phone.

Wrapped in a towel now and sneaking a peak at the watch on the counter; Two and a half minutes in the shower; Not bad Sami. "Hey Lucas, I was fast wasn�t I?�" Something is not right. He�s sitting on the bed in sweatpants with the phone in his hand. He looks up at me. "What�s wrong babe?"

"It�s Mom." He�s blank.

"Did she just call? What happened?" Now I�m really worried. I�m kneeling on the floor in front of him. He looks like he was just hit by a freight train.

"No, that was Philip on the phone. It�s mom. There was an accident." Oh G-d.

"What kind of accident?" I�m trying to keep my words as measured as possible, but this is like de ja vu. Don�t freak out Sami, he needs you.

"Car. They�re going to the hospital. I don�t know. Philip said they�re brought her in just a few minutes ago. They�re working on her."

"They�re working on her. She�s not gone Lucas. They�ll save her sweetheart. I know they will." My voice is cracking. I can�t do this again. Shut up Sami, this is about Lucas, not you. Everything will be fine. Be strong for him.
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We�re in the car on our way to the hospital. I called Hope and told her what was going on. She�s so great! Will�s going to stay there. So that�s one less thing to worry about. Kate has to be ok. She has to be ok. Please, Mom and Dad, I know you�re up there and can hear me. Please help us. Don�t take Kate from us. Not yet! I steal a look at my husband. His face is like stone as he drives. I reach over and grab his hand for a squeeze. "Thanks, Sami." I just want him to know I�m here right beside him.

We park the car at the ER entrance and fly into the building. I see Belle immediately. She�s sitting in one of the green chairs off to the side.

"Sami" she calls as she sees me.

"What happened? What�s happening? Where�s Philip?" Lucas and I are asking her simultaneously.

"I�m not sure where Philip is exactly. He went that way towards the Trauma rooms a little while ago. We were on our way out the door, on our way to your house, when the phone rang. It was Tek� telling us that there had been a car accident. She was on Main at the corner of Maplemore when an SUV ran the red light and hit her broadside. Witnesses called 911 and when it got to the police department Tek called Philip. We rushed in here and Philip took off in that direction trying to figure out what was going on."

"I�m gonna go find Philip; find Mom. You stay here with Belle, I�ll be back." That�s Lucas, I can see he�s trying to be brave, be solid.

I kiss him goodbye, and tell him I love him, but as he turns, away from us, Philip is coming through the double doors out into the waiting area.

"She�s dead." He looks white as a ghost. He�s just a big tall blur, through my tears. This is not happening.

"Philip," I say, "Are you serious� Kate is dead? You�re not serious. You�re lying. She can�t be dead!" But I know she is. I can feel it. My husband is holding my hand so tight, I think he might break some bones, but I don�t care, I can�t feel anything.

"I�m not lying, Sami� she�s gone." Philip is approaching us. Belle is reaching for him. I�m so glad he has her. Can I be as strong a woman as Lucas needs me to be?

Lucas is shaking beside me, his thumb is rubbing my wedding band, and I can see the tears welling up in his eyes. He�s in shock. We all are. I turn to him, put my hand on his chest. I don� t know what to do. "Lucas?"

"I wasn�t there. I wasn�t there with her when she died." This is what he�s saying to me as tears stream down his face. His beautiful face. He�s hurting so much. "I didn�t get to say �I love you� Sami. How will she know that I loved her?"

"Oh baby, she knows." He�s holding me now, in a fierce hug. "Lucas she knows. She loved us all and we loved her. The last thing she said to me tonight when we talked on the phone was �Give my love to Will and Lucas.� Oh baby, she loved you very much, and she knows how much you loved her."

"You, just talked to her, Sami. You just talked to her� she can�t be gone."

I have no idea how long we�ve been here, standing here, but he�s pulling away now, wiping his eyes with his thumbs. He and Philip want to go talk to the doctors. They want to see their mother one last time.


Chapter 3

The funeral was hard on all of us. Kate was like a second mother to me after my mother died. I feel like I�ve lost my mom and dad all over again. It�s been 3 weeks now and things are starting to creep back to something akin to normal around here. We work, we unpack the house more, we sleep, but we miss her.

And now, I�ve got an entirely new set of things to contemplate. My period was supposed to come 4 days ago, and it didn�t; still hasn�t. So I�m sitting in the bathroom, wondering what the little stick I just peed on will tell me. Lucas is downstairs making dinner. I bought the test on my way home from work. I�m afraid to look. What if there are 2 lines? What if there�s only 1 line? We hadn�t planned on getting pregnant so soon, but maybe it�s a sign. I didn�t tell him that I think I�m pregnant. Better to wait until I�m sure. Or at least home pregnancy test sure. I can�t look. I have to look. How long as it been? The watch says two minutes. Seriously the longest two minutes of my life. I never went through this with Will. I thought I had the flu. Stupid teenager. OK, I�m looking� one, two, three� opening one eye, opening the other eye� two lines. TWO LINES! PREGNANT! Pregnant? OK, checking again, counting, one line� two lines� definitely two lines. Big dark, pink lines. Oh my G-d! We�re pregnant! I have to tell Lucas. How am I going to tell Lucas? Should I call my OB/GYN first? Or tell Lucas first? Oh my G-d! I�m pregnant! I�m gonna have a baby. A baby� "LUCAS!!??"

"Hang on! I�m making dinner!"

"Lucas! I need you!" I�m so nervous I�m shaking. Waiting, waiting� I can hear him on the stairs.

"What�s up? Are you ok?" He looks worried.

"I�m fine� I think I�m fine. I� I� Lucas." Maybe I should sit down. Ok, down. Too jittery, standing is better. Ok, standing.

"What�s going on with you, Sami?" Oh man, spit it out, Samantha Jean Roberts

"I�m pregnant."

"WHAT?" He�s staring at me. He keeps opening and closing his mouth, but no words are coming out. It�s cute.

"Pregnant Lucas; with a baby. What do you think?"

"I think� I think� Oh my G-d!" OH MY G-D! He�s picked me up and is twirling me around our bedroom. Kissing me all over. "I love you. I love you. I love you." I love him!

"I love you, Lucas. I know we weren�t planning on getting pregnant so soon, and especially not with your mom just gone and everything, but�"

"Sami, this is a gift from heaven. Don�t you see� this is a gift from mom. And if it�s a girl� well I don�t care what it is as long as it�s healthy. A little healthy baby!"

"I feel the same way, Lucas." His eyes are the most beautiful shade of chocolate. Warm and deep and for the first time since Kate left us� I feel whole again. "I love you."

He�s kissing me� I love when he kisses me like this. It�s sweet. Those deep juicy kisses are amazing and make my toes curl, but these kisses are so wonderful. They�re little ones, not much more than a peck, but on my lips and just� sweet. They�re I-cant-wait-to-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you-kisses.

"When can we tell Will?" That�s my dear husband. I can see him formulating plans in his head. I�m sure he�s already picking out the paint color for the nursery.

"Well, maybe we should wait until after I see Dr. Bader. What do you think?"

"I think we should call Dr. Bader and make an appointment for you as soon as possible. Because I want to tell the whole world that I�m going to be a father again." He�s kissing me again and again and again pulling us toward our bed. Dinner can wait. We�re having a baby!

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"February 8th." Kismet, I tell you. Lucas and I are sitting in Dr. Bader�s office and she�s just told us when our baby is due.

"February 8th? Are you sure that�s right?" Lucas can�t believe it either. Not many people know when their children were conceived, but we do. And it was February 8th.

"Yes, I�m sure, well, as sure as you can be about a due date. You know, babies have a way of coming when they decide, not when we decide." Dr. Bader explains. I�m laughing. Lucas is holding my hand in my lap. Now he�s laughing too, and kissing me. He�d hardly laughed at all after Kate died, or kissed me. It just didn�t seem right. Neither of us were in the mood anyway. But over the last day and a half, it�s like he can�t keep his hands, or lips, off me. And laughing. And I don�t feel guilty about being happy either. Everything happens for a reason, and we made this baby the day she died. That�s got to mean something.
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The doorbell is ringing. It should be John, we wanted to have everybody over for family dinner to tell them our good news. So Belle is in the dining room with Will setting the table. Lucas and Phillip are in the family room probably watching the Cubs lose� again. And I�m running to the door.

"Hi peanut." He looks tired. "Here. I brought you this." A bottle of wine.

"Thanks John, that�s so sweet of you. Come on in." He kisses me on the cheek as he walks past me into the foyer.

"You look beautiful honey." I�m not wearing anything special. A flow-y sundress. Maybe the little jelly bean is making me glow. "I think dinner is just about ready." I call down the hall to the family room. "What�s the score?"

"Coming!" I hear Lucas call back. He looks good. Khaki slacks and a shirt that fits him like a glove. "Hey John." He turns to me now. "Cubs are down 6-2; what a surprise! Do you need help with anything?" He kisses me on my cheek.

"Nope, I think our son and Belle have finished up everything while I was letting John in. Why doesn�t everybody go into the dining room and have a seat. We�ll be in, in a minute."

"Is everything ok peanut?" John�s always so concerned about us. It�s sweet; always the protector.

"Everything�s fine, John. We�ll be in, in a minute." He pats my shoulder as he passes us.
I take Lucas�s hands in mine as I turn to face him. He can hardly contain his smile. "Are you ready?" I ask him.

"Yes. Are you?" I nod and give him one of those sweet kisses as we turn towards the dining room.

"Hey everybody." That�s me. "We wanted to thank you all for coming over tonight for dinner. We know it�s been a rough month for us all, and we have to stick together." Lucas and I are standing at the head of the table. He�s holding my hand and squeezes lightly to let me know he�s here, beside me.

Then it�s his turn to pick up where I�ve left off. "We�ve been sitting on some pretty big news for a couple of weeks and, well, we think it�s something that will help us all through losing my mom."

"What we�re trying to say is� we�re pregnant!"

"WHAT?"

"Oh my G-d!"

"Yaaaaaaay!"

"Way to go bro!"

It�s a chorus of voices coming at us. Everybody�s jumping up from the table to hug us. I love this happiness!

"Oh my G-d! I�m gonna be an aunt! When are you due? When did you find out? Oh my G-d!" That�s my sister. They don�t call her �Tink� for nothing folks. She�s all flittery.

Philip is slapping Lucas on the back. "That�s just great man! I�m so happy for you."

John is leaning in to kiss me on the cheek. "Peanut. This is the best news I�ve hears since Katie died. I�ve always thought of you as my own daughter and even though I know you�re not, really, I can�t help but feel so very proud of you two right now."

"Thank you John. I�m so lucky to have you here. We�re so lucky." I can�t help but rub my belly. "I�m so lucky to have had two dads in my life and�" damn hormones! "�and I�m just really happy that you�re here." He�s wiping away my tears as he holds my face in his hands and kisses me on my cheek.

Our son has known since the day we went to see Dr. Bader. I think this secret�s been killing him. But he�s been so good about not telling anybody. I look over at him as he stands next to his Uncle Philip and I can tell that he�s relieved that the �cat�s out of the bag� so to speak. Things have quieted down around us a little now. So Lucas puts his arm around my waist and we finish telling our family our good news.

"I just have to say, it�s so good to hear laughter in this house again. Lucas and I really feel that this is a gift for our family right now. A gift any time, I guess, but with the timing and everything. I guess life has a way of making it�s own plans. And we couldn�t be happier. To answer some questions, I am officially 5 weeks along. Which is why, we�d like to keep the news in the family for a little while longer. Just until I hit the second trimester mark. Ok?" they�re all nodding at us. "I�m due February 8th. So um� let�s pray for no blizzards or anything!" ha ha I�m so funny. They�re all laughing.

"Have you been feeling ok?" That�s John. He�s such a dad.

"I�ve been tired lately, but not as queasy as I was with Will� so far. Just a little green when I first wake up, but it goes away pretty quickly. Dr. Bader has checked me out and I�m taking my pre-natal vitamins and well� everything�s just great! The jellybean" I pat my belly here for added emphasis, "and dad and big brother are all doing fine. Right?" I�m looking to Lucas and Will for confirmation and they�re both nodding their heads and grinning at me. Lucas is kissing me on my temple.

"Thank you all for coming over." Lucas says.

"Now. Let�s eat!" My stomach is really talking now! "Have I mentioned that I�ve got a bit of an appetite these days?" Everybody laughs again. I�m a riot. Must be the hormones.
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I can�t seem to cool off. This house is like an oven. It�s August and the A/C is on, but I�m still hot. I�m sleeping (or trying to sleep) in a tank top and gym shorts, I�m about a nanosecond away from going downstairs and fixing myself an ice pack. Poor Lucas, he�s burrowed under the covers wearing flannel pajama pants, a sweatshirt and socks. I feel a little bad, but it can�t be that cold for him.

Maybe I should take a cold bath. What time is it? 3:47. Come on Jellybean. Let mommy get some sleep. I sit up, trying not to wake Lucas. I�ll just go downstairs and refill my ice water. Maybe I�ll grab a slice of cheese while I�m down there. I can�t seem to get enough cheese lately. Weird.

"Sami? Everything ok?" Oops, didn�t mean to wake Lucas.

"Yeah. I�m fine, just really hot. I�m going downstairs for ice water. Go back to sleep."

"OK." He�s rolling over again. I think he�s already asleep.

Ahhhhhhhh ICE! And cheese. I�m now sitting at the kitchen table. I think it�s cooler down here. Or the water is doing it�s magic. Creaking in the living room. What was that noise? "Lucas?"

"It�s Will mom." My son trudges into the kitchen wearing a Univ. of Chicago sweatshirt (From Aunt Belle), U.S. Marine Corp. sweatpants (courtesy of his Uncle Philip) and wool socks. He�s also wrapped in a blanket from the foot of his bed.

"Hey sweety. What are you doing up at this hour?" He�s got school tomorrow, what�s he doing up at this hour? He looks kinda miserable.

"I was cold. Couldn�t sleep. So I thought I�d make myself some tea or something."
"Sorry about the weather conditions around here. What can I say? The Jellybean is kind of controlling my internal thermostat right now." I give him a wry smile. This baby is already starting to turn our lives upside down. "Will? Can I ask you something?"

He�s at the counter with his back to me, nuking his mug of water.

"Sure mom. What�s up?"

"Are you ok with this whole baby thing? I know it must be �"

"Mom. Stop. It�s totally awesome! You have no idea. All I�ve ever wanted was to be a normal family. I know you used to say that families come in all shapes and sizes, yada yada. And that even though you and dad weren�t together we were still a family, because you both loved me. But, I always wanted, this. I always wanted a house and a yard and a mom and dad who loved each other and a brother or sister."

"But it�s the middle of August and you�re sitting at the kitchen table in the middle of the night dressed like you�re going sledding."

"Who cares! Dad and I can always put on more layers. The important part is that when it�s all done, I�ll have a baby brother or sister and that�s cool." I know he�s hoping for a boy. "I�ve waited a long time for this. I think I can handle a little air conditioning." That was just about the sweetest things I�ve ever heard come out of his mouth. I�m crying all over myself now.

"Mom. Are you ok?"

"Yeah�" sniff. "I�m fine. I�m just really�haaaaaappppppppy." I�m such a mess. Damn hormones. Get a grip Sami. "I�m fine." Composing. Composing. "really. Sorry!"

"It�s ok. Hey, I�m gonna head back to bed." He�s holding his mug up to me and pointing in the direction of the stairs with it. "You should try and get some sleep."

Now my 11 year-old son is giving me advice? "OK. Night sweety."

"Night mom." I watch his lanky body stroll out of the kitchen, dragging the blanket behind him. He�s almost as tall as me now. They grow up so fast, don�t they?

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Wow� what was that? "Lucas?" I think I just felt the jelly bean�s first real kick. Well, I don�t know if you can call it a kick. Oh, there it is again. It feels weird. "Here."

I grab his hand and press it against my swelling abdomen, on the right side, towards the bottom. "Sami, I don�t feel anything. Are you sure it�s not lunch?"

"Lucas!" I swat his arm. "I swear I felt something going on in there. Just wait a minute."
"I really don�t feel� Holy shit!� Wow� hey there jelly bean."

I�m in awe. This is a moment. I look up at him and I have tears in my eyes. His hand is warm against my belly. Mine is covering his. He�s kissing me. Warm and sure and I know this is a moment that I will remember all of my life. Standing in the middle of Babies� R Us.

We�re out shopping for furniture. We�re not sure what we�re having yet, although we both think it�s a girl. So we�re going for neutral stuff, yellows and greens. We want to be surprised, because if we�re wrong, we�ll have a son with a lot of pink stuff. My parents thought I was going to be a boy and I ended up spending my impressionable years with jungle wallpaper staring back at me. It obviously did no lasting damage, but I�d like to spare my child, boy or girl from going through the trauma I did. It�s like the biggest surprise you can possibly have�EVER! So we�re going to wait and be surprised in the delivery room.

"It stopped." Lucas is frowning. He�s moving his hand around my belly. Searching for the kicking again. He�s so disappointed. So am I.

"Maybe it�s got stage fright or something." I�m now tapping my belly trying to get the baby to move again. I read in some book that they respond to movement and warmth now. "Lucas, I think the performance is over honey."

"You sure?" I squeeze his arm and nod.

"Let�s finish up here. My appointment is in a 25 minutes."
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"Well, let�s take a look here and see if we can hear the heartbeat today." Dr. Bader tells us. I�m up on the table with my shirt hiked up and waist of my pants pulled down. Lucas is standing next to me holding my hand.

"Now I�m going to put some jelly on your abdomen. It may be a little cold at first." She continues.

Cold! Cold! Cold! Holy crap! This is �a little cold�? I�d like to see what her opinion of frigid is!

"Sorry, about that." I think the cringing I�m doing right now is making her feel bad. "OK, let�s see what we can see today. Lucas if you want, you can bring that stool over and sit down."

"Thanks."

"OK�" She�s moving the wandy thing around my belly. I�m looking at the little tv screen but it�s just a bunch of gray fuzz. I hope she can see something in that mess because I sure can�t. "And here we are. That�s your baby." Oh my goodness. There�s a little person on the screen. There�s a little person inside me. That has got to be the coolest thing I have ever seen. I shoot a look over to Lucas. He�s staring open mouthed at the screen. She�s pointing out the spine and hands and nose and feet to us. "Now lets see what we can hear." She�s using the doppler thingy now; moving it around, to the left, down alittle, and� "badoom badoom badoom badoom." That�s our baby�s heartbeat.

"It�s so fast." Lucas says.

"We like the baby�s heart rate to be between 160 and 180. You�re baby�s heart rate is� 174. Perfect. You�re at 20 weeks now and progressing nicely."

We�re on our way out of the doctor�s office now. She doesn�t need to see me again for another 4 weeks. Yay! "Let�s go celebrate Lucas." I got to see my baby! I got to see my baby!

"You�re wish is my command, Mrs. Roberts." Isn�t he cute?
"Hagen Daaz!" I�m growing a baby and I can have anything I want today!

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I�m noticeably pregnant now, and I bought a few things here and there by way of maternity clothes, but I�ve been sleeping in Lucas�s tshirts and pajama pants and well, it�s just not very sexy. Not that I�ve felt very sexy lately, but I don�t know. All of the sudden, I just want to jump his bones. So here I am trying to find some sexy maternity something or other to wear for my husband who hasn�t gotten laid in close to three weeks. Have I mentioned that I haven�t felt very sexy lately? I was reading in the book the other night that around 22 weeks I�ll want sex like it�s goin� outta style. I�m at 20 and a half weeks now. Guess that book knows what it�s talking about.

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Damn I look good! Well, as good as a woman who�s 5 months pregnant can look, I guess. No dammit! I look hot! I�m standing in front of the mirror in our bedroom admiring my damn sexy, growing-a-baby reflection. I found this silk slip nightgown at the mall. It�s blue (Lucas�s favorite color) with spaghetti straps and lace trim at the hem which comes down to the tops of my thighs. Everybody at work says I�m "all baby" which I suppose means that I�ve only gained weight where the baby is, right in front. Last week I thought my ass was huge, but now, I don�t know what I was worrying about. Everybody at work is right. I�m all baby.

Thank G-d Will is on a school trip for the next 2 days. Got the whole house to ourselves. Better get changed back into some real clothes. Saving the good stuff for later.

Key in the door. He�s home. I�ve been in the kitchen making his favorite meal.

"Sami?"

"I�m in the kitchen?"

"Hi Sweety." I look over my shoulder at him as he comes through the door. He�s loosening his tie. "How are you feeling?"

"Couldn�t be better." I turn around and grab his tie pulling him to me. This ought to blow his socks off. Mmmmm does he taste yummy tonight.

"Mmmmmm� what�s gotten in to you?" He grins at me. "Not that I�m complaining."

"Let�s just say 20 weeks agrees with me. And the Jellybean thinks mommy and daddy are entitled to a little fun."

"Daddy likes that idea. Let�s go upstairs." Woah! He�s picked me up and is heading towards the door.

"Lucas!"

"What? I thought you just said�"

"I did, but later. I have a surprise for you first, and a surprise for you later. You know what they say. Patience is a virtue."

He�s smiling at me. Leaning in and� kisses me sweetly. "You�re wish is my command Mrs. Roberts."
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After dinner we watched some tv and then I yawned and told him I was really tired. He looked so let down. He�s been so respectful of my crazy hormones over the last 5 months. I felt bad. It�s a mean trick, but I think he�ll thank me in the end. So I�ve been in the bathroom for a while now. I took a shower, dried my hair and put on the new nightgown. I heard Lucas come into the bedroom a few minutes ago, shuffle around and get in bed, I can hear him switching channels as I inspect my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I can hear Joey and Chandler talking in my bedroom. He�s settled on a rerun of Friends. Ok, one last look, smooth the satin over my belly. Ok. I grab for the door handle. Strike a pose!

At the sound of the door opening he turns to look at me. I know he was expecting my usual sleeping attire. I�ll take the expression on his face as a good sign. His eyes look like they�re going to fall out of his head. He lifts the remote and clicks off the tv, never taking his eyes off me. I�m still standing in the doorway to the bathroom. "Surprise�"

"Sami� you look�" swallow "you look� beautiful." I walk towards him, blue satin swishing around me. Sliding across my belly and breasts. My nipples are so sensitive tonight, and he hasn�t even touched me yet.

"You like it?"

"I love it! Come here baby." And he�s grabbing me and pulling me to him. He kisses me so passionately, I can feel it in my toes. He�s running his hands up and down my back, in my hair, down, down, down grabbing my ass and pulling me to him. How could I have not wanted this for so long. What am I, insane? His lips are warm against mine, his tongue is slick as it slides against mine. His arms are strong and tight as he pulls me tight against his body. I love feeling his skin on mine. His muscles are taught, his nipples are tight little beads on his tanned chest. I can�t get enough of him. My hands just have to touch everything, his shoulders, his arms, his back, his gorgeous ass. I can�t resist, I run my hand down his stomach and slide my hand against his cock. The little general jumps to attention.

We�re kneeling in the center of our bed and he�s left my lips now. His hands are running up my sides, his tongue is tracing down my neck, to the hollow of my throat. This is heaven. He nips me a little with his teeth there before kissing a path over to my shoulder. Fingers. Strong. Pulling away the strap of my nightgown. Kissing. Kissing. He�s pushing it away and pulling down down, and I can feel the cool air against my nipple as he exposes it. Warm, wet, sucking. "Oh G-d!" did you know that pregnant women�s nipples are really sensitive. I�m grabbing his head and holding him to my breast. "Holy Shit!"

"Oh Sami� I�ve missed you. G-d damn you�re beautiful!" He�s pulling the other side of my nightgown down to give equal time to my other girl. This is ecstasy. He�s pulling me down with him to lay me on my back as he lies beside me. He kisses me. One of those toe curling kisses; two, three; they all blend together as he leaves my mouth again and travels south. Kissing, kissing between my breasts, further, bunching the satin in his hand, he pauses and buries his face in the swell of my belly, kisses me there and caresses where our child is growing inside me. "I love you" I hear him, muffled against my body. He bunches the fabric and pulls it down. I lift my bottom so that he can rid me of my new purchase. I�m pulling on the waistband of his pajamas. He gets the hint, they�re joining my nightgown on the floor.

His hands are everywhere, running up and down my legs, over my hips, my abdomen, my breasts. He grabs a pillow and places it under my hips as he kisses my hip and "Ohhhhh�" G-d "Shit this feels good." I�m grabbing for him. Clawing for him to come up and kiss me. I want him inside me. He�s kissing me. I can taste myself on his tongue and it�s great! I grab for his cock. Wrapping my fingers around him.

"Mmmmmmm�Sami." I run my fingers over the head. It jerks in my hand. What a power trip to get such a response like this.

"Lucas� I need you."

"Are you sure? I won�t hurt you?"

"No. You won�t hurt me. I asked Dr. Bader yesterday when you left the room."

"Good. G-d I need you too." He�s kissing me hard, I push on him to get him to sit up. He pulls me with him. He knows where I�m going with this. He sits back on his heels in the middle of our bed as I straddle his lap and� "Mmmmmmmm" Slowly� I settle down on him and wait for my body to stretch to accommodate him. And we rock. Slowly, I begin rocking against him. Pushing my hips down into him and he pushes up to meet me.

"Oh, Sami� Sami� Sami�" As we rock against each other our tempo is steady. The heat in my belly is threatening to swallow me whole. We kiss and touch and watch. His eyes are so intense as he holds me as close as he can.

His hands are rubbing up and down my back holding my hips. Hot. Wet. "Oh. Oh. Lucas." I can feel it coming. Slow and steady, my clit rubs against his body. Rubbing, rubbing�"Oh G-d Lucas!" One last time. This is it. Blinding white heat envelopes us as he pushes into me and "Oh�Sami!" Holding me tight. Muscles pulling on him. Hot. Slick�. Tired.

Our breathing is ragged as we kiss and he lays me down gently on the bed. We�re facing each other now. He�s holding my hand and rubbing his thumb across my palm. I pull his hand up and kiss his before placing it on my belly. "I love you" he says to me. He�s leaning in and kissing me again. "I love you too." His hand is warm against my body.
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Mmmmmmm� At some point during the night I flipped over and am now laying on my other side spooning with Lucas. His fingers are laced through mine, tucked under my breasts. I snuggle back into him and he holds me tighter. Nice. A kiss on my shoulder. He�s awake. I think I�ll turn around, see what else he might kiss. "Hi." I can barely make out his silhouette in the dark.

"Hi." His groggy voice replies.

I can�t help it. He�s delicious. I lean in and kiss him. His lips are warm. He�s pulling me on top of him� round two.


Chapter 4

The turkey is in the oven. The stuffing is on the stove. Belle is bringing pumpkin pie this afternoon and everything is on track. Ahhhh Thanksgiving. I look out the kitchen window to see Lucas and Will tossing a football around and tackling each other into the leaves. Actually, Will is tackling Lucas to the ground. I can see they�re both laughing. Now Lucas is tickling him. I think the whole point of this holiday is football. I better get them in here to take showers. The family will be here in an hour.

"Hey guys!? Time to come in and get cleaned up." Lucas looks at his watch and points towards the back door. "Thanks Sami."

"Awww mooooooooooooom!" Whaaa whaaa!

"Come on Will."

"Five more minutes?" My son discovered the art of negotiation at a very early age.

"No, five more minutes." Lucas is telling him. "Besides, I need you to help me bring some stuff up from the basement. You know mom shouldn�t be overdoing it." This works. Lucas has mastered the art of guilt. Works like a charm every time.

I think I�m starting to waddle a bit. I can�t believe there�s only one baby in there. I can�t complain about Will though. He�s the best kid in the world. He�s been really helpful around the house lately. Since it�s getting harder and harder for me to bend over and stuff. Ooh� my ankles are sore. I think I�ll take a load off for a while. I�ve earned it.
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"I�ll get it." I can hear Lucas running to the door. Muffled voices�

I�m upstairs putting on one of my favorite outfits. It�s a pink button down with a brown sweater over it. I�m wearing brown pants and socks. I�m not squeezing my swollen feet into any kind of shoe as long as I�m staying in the house. The sweater has a pink argyle pattern across the chest. I love this sweater. Wonder if I can find something like it that�s NOT maternity clothes.

John, Hope and Bo are shrugging out of their coats and hanging them in the closet as Lucas gives Zack a high five and helps him out of his coat and gloves. They look up at me as I come down the stairs. "Hey mom." John says, "How are you feeling? You�re getting so big." Mom, that�s cute.

"I�m good. I feel like a duck. But I�m good." He kisses my cheek and surveys my appearance.

"I hit the duck stage right around 7 months too," Hope is reassuring me. I�m sure I was like this with Will, but it�s been 11 years. It�s all a little hazy. Bo kisses me on the cheek.

Lucas rubs my belly. "I don�t care if you�re a duck. You�re my duck." He and Bo are heading off towards the family room to watch some football. Hope and I head towards the kitchen.

I�ve been growing steadily every day (it seems like) since I �popped� a few months ago. I�ve gotten bigger since the last time John saw me. I can hardly tell� and I�ve got 2 months to go yet! I feel like I�m as big as a house.

John follows behind us and chuckles at my back. He gets the duck reference now. I�m a waddler.

The doorbell rings again. I am not walking back out to the door!

"I�ll get it." John says as he springs up from the chair he�d just settled into.

"Thanks, John." I look at my watch. 3:59. If nothing else Philip has made my sister punctual.

"Hey sis! Hi Hope." Belle says as she comes into the kitchen. She looks really happy. Wonder what�s up? She puts the pie on the counter and comes around the island to hug me hello. "You�re getting so big!" She says into my hair as she hugs me. She bends down to talk to my belly. "Hi Jellybean. It�s your aunt Belle. How�s it going in there?" She pats my stomach and comes back up to talk to me. The baby can hear the stuff going on out here now and punches me where Belle�s face was a second ago. Oh, there it is a again.

"The bean is moving, want to feel?" I ask.

"Sure!" She says as she places her hand on me. She�s feeling around. Holy shit! Is that a ring on her hand?

"Belle!" I grab her left hand and hold it up for inspection. "He did it?" He better have done it. There a fairly decent sized diamond on my baby sister�s left ring finger.

She�s shaking her head and beaming at me. "Last night. I had a feeling it was coming, but I didn�t know when, or how exactly. Oh Sami, it was soooooo romantic."

"That�s great!" Hope chimes in from the fridge.

"I�m so happy for you!" I pull her into a hug. I�ve been waiting for this. I have to check out her ring again. It�s beautiful. Sparkly and new. My rings don�t fit anymore. So I�ve been wearing them on a necklace for the last month or so.

"You�re terrible at keeping secrets. How did you manage to keep your mouth shut for a whole what� 24 hours?"

"Twenty-one actually. Philip thought since we were all going to be together today that we should wait and tell you in person."

"Hey beautiful." Philip just came through the door. "Cat out of the bag?"

"She figured it out. Actually she saw my ring." She�s holding it up now for their appraisal. He�s kissing her cheek.

"It wasn�t hard to figure out. She came in here smiling like a million watt light bulb."

I give my congratulations to Philip and then shoo everyone in the dining room. The Jellybean is hungry and so am I!

As we all settle around the table, John is admiring his daughters ring. He�s a pretty good secret keeper too. Apparently he and Philip had dinner last week and Philip asked his permission to propose to Belle. Lucas and I are so out of the loop here, but we�ve got our own adventures going on in this house.

John�s clearing his throat at the end of the table. "Hey everybody. Before we start eating, I just wanted to take a minute to think about how lucky we are to all be here together today. This year has had its ups and downs; Sami and Lucas�s wedding, Kate�s death, the baby coming, Philip and Belle�s engagement. I�m so happy to see that my family is living so well. I know that my Katie is watching over us, as are Marlena and Roman. So, we have a lot to be thankful for today." He pauses and clears his throat again. "I�m so happy for you." He�s looking at Lucas and Will and I. I can�t help but smile up at him. "And you, baby girl." He turns to Belle and Philip. "Bo and Hope, it�s wonderful to have you with us this year. I hear that Shawn is doing great things in New York." They�re nodding. Zack is playing with his spoon. "So, I just wanted to say that I love you all very much, and I�m so thankful to share this day and all of our days, with you." I look around and survey my family. Everyone is smiling and talking and serving themselves and each other. I reach for Lucas�s hand and squeeze. We�re so lucky.
_____________________________

I�d due in a week. I�m as big as a house. Big, fat, house-like Sami Roberts. I haven�t seen my feet in months! I can�t tie my shoes. I�ve been unbearably difficult to Lucas and Will. I snap at them for no reason. And soon this baby will come and it�ll keep us up all the time and I�ll be sleep deprived and Lucas will be sleep deprived and then he won�t be able to function at work, and he�ll lose his job because he fell asleep at his desk. Oh what a mess I�ve gotten us into. What if I mess this up like I messed up Will�s childhood. What if I can�t lose the baby weight as quickly as I should and Lucas doesn�t want me anymore. I�m destined to be a single mother of two. What a mess. And now I�m crying. Dammit. I�ll wake Lucas on what is likely, one of his last nights of sleep. "Nffff�"

"Sami?" Shit!

"I�m soooooooooorrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyy-yyyy-yyyy-yyyy!!!!"

He�s sitting up. He�s pulling me into his arms. Setting me up for the kill.

"Sorry for what? Calm down? Is it the baby? Are you in having contractions?"

"I�m�sorry�Nffff� I�.Hhhhh�screwed up your�.life."

"What the hell are you talking about?" His voice is soft. "You didn�t screw up my life. What makes you say that? Come on� calm down." He�s handing me a kleenex.

"The baaaabbbbbbyyyyy�and� and� I�ve been so crazy lately� and everything will change� and I�ve been so terrible to you."

"Hold up. You think having a baby is going to screw up my life? That�s crazy Sami. These last 9 months have been some of the best of my life honey. You forget, I missed all this stuff with Will. I didn�t get to see you growing my child. I didn�t get to hold you, and make love to you, and get you pastrami sandwiches in the middle of the night."

"But you�ve been so good to me� and I�ve been so terrible. I made you go out in the snow last week because I wanted a donut. What is that?"

"That�s called being pregnant, Sami. And trust me, it was cold out there, but I wouldn�t have missed it for the world, because I missed it the first time, and it nearly killed me. Sami, I love you, and I know it�s been a long 9 months, and I know we�re looking towards no sleep and 3 am feedings and diapers and spit up and all that stuff that IS having a baby. But we also get to look forward to first smiles, and laughing and playing and hearing first word and first steps and all that stuff. I wish to G-d I�d known Will was mine back then, so that I could have all of THIS, the fun and the not so fun. This experience, every wonderful, freezing at Dunkin Donuts at 3:15 in the morning, running to 3 different grocery stores looking for triple chocolate fudge brownie ice cream moment has been wonderful, because it�s been for you. I love you. Don�t you see that? I can�t wait to meet our little Jellybean. I can�t wait for every second of it, because it�ll be with you." I�m crying again� but it�s the good kind.

"I�m sorry� I love you too. I guess I just freaked out a little. I�m nervous, what can I say?" He�s kissing me. One of those, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, kisses.

"Feeling better?" He�s brushing tears away with his thumbs.

"Yeah� thanks."

"Good. Let�s get some sleep, ok?" Everything�s gonna be fine.

_____________________________

Everything is not fine. I�m 10 days overdue. I feel like a beached whale. I�m on the couch in the family room watching Oprah. Lucas is home from work to take care of me. I guess we�re both on maternity leave now, but the only problem is�.. NO BABY! Poke, poke� "Come out little Jellybean."

I�m soooooo ready to not be pregnant anymore. I�ve been eating mexican food non-stop. Cajun, you name it. I�ve taken 3 walks around the block. My ankles are swollen and sore, no more walking! I was told to try bounding down the stairs on my ass. That wasn�t so much fun and it didn�t work either. Nope. Still here, still pregnant and now my ass is a little sore too. There�s only one thing I haven�t tried yet and that�s only because as hot as my husband is� I�m just not in the mood. You try getting in the mood when you feel like you should have a sign on your back that says �wide load.�

Lucas just came in to check on me. He brought me a glass of apple juice. He�s sweet. He has no idea what I�m going through, but he�s trying. "Is there anything I can do for you honey?" Reach in and grab this kid out of me! Oh screw it, I�ll try anything.

"Actually� I think there might be."

"You name it."

"Sex"

"What?"

"Every book I�ve read says that sex will induce labor. So, let�s go. I�m ready to try anything."

"But we haven�t� you didn�t� it won�t hurt the baby?"

"Nope. Let�s go. Help me up." The couch has swallowed me whole. Up the stairs we go. Not as quickly as I�d like.

We�ve striped and are in bed. This is soooo not as fun as it was the last time we did this. I don�t even remember when that was� how sad is this? I read on some website about the best positions for late term sex. I can�t see how anything where I have to move, is a fun idea, but he�s kissing me. So gently. I always like it when he kisses me. I can feel how much he loves me. I really do feel connected to him. He�s shifting behind me. Spooning is nice. Oh, wow� my nipples are really sensitive. "mmm�" I have to say� pretty comfortable here on my side. He�s got his arms wrapped around me. Playing with my breasts, rubbing my belly, kissing my neck. Oh, again, right there. "mmm�" Was that me? I�m reaching behind me, stroking his penis. Ow! Shoulder hurts. Keeps kissing my neck, licking my ear. I�m grazing my fingers along his arm. He�s hard, I can feel him pressed against my backside. He�s reaching down. Fingers� Stroke. Stroke. Circle. Circle. Circle. Feels good� he�s sliding his hand along my thigh and lifting my leg. "Mmmmm�" Penetration is good� very good folks. My husband is the best.

He�s going slow. Gentle. Stroking my arm. Gentle. Gentle. I�m all warm inside. I can hear him breathing in my ear. He�s kissing my neck again. All warm and hazy. Tension, building. Higher. I want it. "I love you." Push. Push. Push. Gently. Higher. Tight. Tight. Heat. "Oh. Oh. Mmmm." I want it. Reach. Reach. Come on. Give it. Give it. Come on. "Oh. Oh. Lucas." Haze. Light. Tight. Here it comes� "Ohhhh G-d." Riding wave� He�s holding me tight. Coaxing me� "Let it go, baby. Let it go." I�m coming down. Down Down Down� I can feel his warmth filling me. He nuzzles my neck as he pulls his shaft from my warmth. I needed that. I feel like a million bucks. "I love you Lucas."

"I love you too." He echos as we drift off to sleep.

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Ow! Sleep� Ow� cramp. Sleep. Need sleep� Ooooooowwwwwwww. I�m up. I swear. Oh shit. That contraction was stronger than the last. Felt like someone was sticking a tire iron in my uterus. Should I wake Lucas? Let�s see how long it takes for another one to hit. 2:47 am. Waiting� Waiting. Maybe I should try and go back to sleep. Waiting� waiting� Owwww shit! 3:16. "hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo�" breathe. Must�ve dozed off. OK, that was a little less than 30 minutes. Too close� "Lucas?" I�m shaking him.

"wha-?" dammit wake up!

"Lucas! I�m in labor. Get up!" All evening I�ve been in labor but it was dull crampiness and really spread out. I called Dr. Bader around 11 and she said if they come stronger and less than 30 minutes apart, to come on into the hospital. We sent Will to Bo and Hope�s for the night. We promised we�d call him when things really started to progress.

"What? Labor? For real? Now?"

"Yes. For real. Now."

"Uh� k�breathe ok, remember �hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo�" He�s jumping out of bed and throwing on jeans and a tshirt. Running for the door. I�m still sitting in bed. Where the hell does he think he�s going without me. I chuckle inside.

"Lucas?" He�s back. "Forget something?"

"I�m sorry babe." He�s helping me up out of bed.

"It�s ok. Might want to put on a sweatshirt and some socks and shoes too. It�s the middle of February General."

_____________________________

"Slow down. I want to make it to the hospital in one pieeeeeeeeeeeeeece." Hoo hoo hoo� "shit." Hoo hoo hoo. 3:40. Hoo hoo hoo�. hoo� "What the fuck are you doing Lucas? I said slow down, don�t speed up!" My husband has either a learning deficiency or a hearing impairment.

"Sami� you concentrate on those contractions. I�ll drive." Bastard.

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"I hate you Lucas Desmond Roberts! Hoo hoo hoo� I hope you� hoo hoo hoo� burn in hell for this!" It hurts dammit! I don�t remember it hurting this much with Will. Hoo hoo hoo� Time dulls the memory. Easing up� hoo� hoo� ahhhhhhhhhhhh. It�s over� they�re coming less than 5 minutes apart now. I feel like I�ve been at this forever. Oh wait, I have. It�s almost midnight.

"I�m sorry Lucas. Don�t leave me. I can�t do this without you."

"Don�t worry baby, I�m not going anywhere." He kisses my forehead and brushes my sweaty hair off my face.

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"OK, Sami, I just need you to give us just a few more big pushes." Dr. Bader is telling me.

"I can�t." I can�t push anymore. I�m so tired.

"Yes you can. Come on now. Work for your baby, Sami."

"Come on Sami, I�m right here. You can do this. I love you so much sweety." He�s propping me up and rubbing my back. I think I�ve probably broken several bones in his hand from the screaming he�s been doing right along with me, but this is worse. I swear this is the worst ever.

"Ok�" I have to do this.

"OK� Big push� 1, 2, 3."

"Ggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr�" Burning. Ripping. Oh G-d!

"4, 5, 6�"

"Come on Sami. You can do it."

"Mmmmmmmmmmmm" Oh G-d. Oh G-d.

"7, 8, 9� The head is out. OK Sami. One more. That ought to do it!"

"I love you so much." Lucas. I love him.

"Oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh!" Pain!

"She�s out." She?

"She? It�s a she?" I can barely get the words out.

"It�s a girl." That�s Dr. Bader. She�s putting my daughter on my chest. Some nurse is wiping her clean. Oh G-d� she�s�

"Beautiful." Lucas is whispering in my ear. "I�m so damn proud of you baby." He kisses my temple.

"She�s a she Lucas." I can�t believe it. She�s the most gorgeous, gooey, wrinkly thing I�ve ever seen. I�ve never been this tired in my life.

"Kathleen Marie Roberts." I say. We picked the name a few months ago; after her grandmothers.

"Someone bring Will in so he can meet his new baby sister." I remember our kitchen conversation from months ago. He�s waited a long time for this.

"Welcome to the world Kathleen." Lucas says as he leans down and kisses me. One of those �I can�t wait to spend the rest of my life with you� kisses.

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I hear �Isn�t she lovely� by Stevie Wonder coming from the nursery. It�s late. 11 o�clock or so. What�s he doing in there?

"Awwwww�" Soooooo cute. Lucas and Kat are dancing. "Two months old and she�s already tearing up the floor with her daddy?"

He turns at the sound of my voice. "Yup. Just having a little dance with my daughter." I nod as I enter the room. "She was a little fussy before." Kat is curled up in a tight ball against Lucas�s chest. Her eyes are closed, she�s fallen asleep again. Her eyelashes fan out across her cheek. I would kill for her eyelashes. Her little mouth is perfect. She�s sucking on her lower lip. Started doing that about a week ago.

I love this picture they create while he�s swaying with her to the music. The music continues behind me, �she has been heaven sent�� I look up for a moment to the ceiling and say a silent prayer to Kate. I know she�s had a hand in this. "She has been heaven sent you know."

He nods. "I know." He smiles and pulls me close. Kisses me softly as we sway to the music. I�m so lucky� I�m in heaven.